I have severe muscle strain. The most interesting part about hearing that I have sever muscle strain was the fact that I took it to be good news.

See, my neck had been hurting me for several days, and it was only getting worse. When it got to the point that I just couldn�t move and the pinching, tense pain was more intense than anything I had ever felt, I decided to go to the hospital. They kind of rushed me through- I guess they consider neck injuries pretty serious. They bent me this way and that, poked and prodded, asked a lot of questions� and all the time, I am worrying that I�ve got some horrible injury to my spine. When the doc said it was just a really really bad case of muscle strain, I took a deep breath with relief. I didn�t realize until I exhaled that I had been holding my breath.

Every time I go to the hospital, sexy doctors put their hands down my shirt, but I am generally too uncomfortable to enjoy it. When you�re in the most exquisite agony you�ve ever experienced, you�re not really able to fantasize much. Last time I was there, one of them actually LOOKED down my blue hospital gown. Darn, why can�t I be ogled by attractive professional men when I am not either in pain or hacking up parts of my lung?

So I�m off to take a long soak in a nice hot bath (with vanilla-scented bubbles). Then I will go to bed, and I just put nice clean flannel sheets on the bed, and I will just crash for the night.

My pen exploded on me at work, and I said �Damn, now I look like a Rorshach test!�.

Nobody got it.