So I know I�m bad, haven�t updated recently, haven�t really looked at friends� journals as much as I should� but I have had so much on my mind lately. My mom is in town and requires some attention, I have all kinds of holiday shit to get ready, and tons of work to do both at work and on my own projects. My literary projects have even suffered. Generally I come home, grab a sandwich watch whatever dirty anime I managed to download, and go to sleep.

I finally freaked on my bandmate- completely lost it. Anyone who knows me well will understand why and know he pretty much had it coming. When he called me at work, it was the last straw and I snapped. I completely lost my temper, and I just screamed at him. Much swearing and I actually hit him with a really low blow. I think I scared him a little� or a lot. He�s called a few times, but hasn�t left dozens of pathetic messages. Well, I�ll call him and talk to him on my next day off, we need to get it all out in the open if we are to go any farther.

Losing my temper scares me. I become a very different person and I don�t like her very much, because she�s mean and she has to have the last word. I�m so glad that I generally have good control over myself. The scariest part is that I am so GOOD at it, I�m really proficient in bitchiness. I ragged out some woman on the phone tonight too, I think she was close to tears when I finally hung up. It was just the wrong time to call me up with your pushy telemarketer crap, lady. Sorry. I�m not normally like that, and if you had just gracefully hung up when I told you I wasn�t interested, I wouldn�t have felt the need to rip you a new one.

If anyone who reads this has a copy of �I Found the Brains of Santa Claus�, please email me!!! I�d be forever grateful. I really need it, it�s for a present for my mom.

Been slacking off on my workouts, got to go to the pool tomorrow and make sure I do my aerobics. Ah, well. I made myself a new CD with all my favourite music that gets me really moving- I needed a new workout mix. The old one was getting stale. Having a new one kind of makes me look forward to my session tomorrow. I�ve just been so beat when I get home from work, and I�ve slept in a lot� not to mention getting my period early again� or is it? Am I just not keeping proper track of the dates? Well, I�d believe either at this point.

Does anyone actually eat that awful Christmas cake?

I just finished yet another Cold War/Russian Spy novel. If I am to read any more of these, I think I need to bone up on my Soviet history, because as it is, I think much of it is lost on me. I�m too young to remember most of this stuff. I remember when the Berlin wall fell, and I remember when Russia got its first McDonald�s, but I don�t really remember much of what really happened. I remember Sting�s song about �the Russians love their children too�� I think it was just called �The Russians�, but I am not positive, I�ll look on the album tomorrow. It�s not important, but it pisses me off when I can�t remember something trivial like that. So I�m neurotic, so sue me.