Dear God, i am so bloody depressed.

I'm sick as anything. I haven't been breathing all that well, and anyone who knows me well will have known that my asthma has been acting up for the past few weeks. Night before last it got even worse, so I came to the hospital and was treated and released. I suspected then it wouldn't last- as it turns out, i was right.
Less than 24 hours later, i was back to the emergency department and they admitted me. I feel so helpless and unhappy- I'm very lonesome right now. I don't have any friends here to visit me, i've missed Thanksgiving with my family, i'm in a room with two old ladies who complain to each other all day. They haven't fed me anything i can eat- what kind of Thanksgiving dinner is a frozen salmon patty to a person with a seafood allergy? Also instant mashed potatoes- probably full of sulphites. I don't think they're trying to starve me, but they're certainly not paying a hell of a lot of attention, either. I think i'll see if i can track down a peanut butter sandwich or something. I keep trying not to cry, because i know i have to be here and get beter, but i'm so lonely and depressed, and the meds i'm on wear down all my resistance. I cry constantly when i think no-one is looking. I'm worried about Oscar (thank God W.O.V. is such a good friend and came down with my dad yesterday to look after him while my neighbors are away for the holiday- they'll be back tomorrow, so at least he'll be fed and walked.) because he loves me and will be lonely without me- of course i miss him dreadfully.
And i'm worried i won't have a job when i get out. I've been there under 3 months- what if they decide to let me go because i'm "too sick all the time"? It must look bad that i've been sick off and on for almost the last month- they have no way of really knowing it's been years since i was this poorly off. I gave up everything in Hamilton to come here and work for them and i have so much invested in the place- will they see that?
I'm hoping for the best, but prepared to fight if i have to. The Human Rights Commission would certainly have something to say about them firing me for a condition they knew i had when they hired me. Am i ever glad i was as open and honest about it as i was during the interview. It gives me legal recourse if need be.
I know it's premature to worry about it- it might be just fine when i get back, they might be just happy that i'm okay and back, and that's what i am hoping for- but i am so not very cheerful right now and it's hard to be optimistic when you haven't eaten or slept properly in days, when you can't bend your right elbow at all because there's an IV tube in it, and every two hours you're reduced to gasping for air. They said they'd release me when i can go a whole night without rescue meds. I take that to mean two more days at least.
The IV is painful and really inconvenient- ever tried to eat peas with your non-dominant hand? There are about twenty from lunch scattered in various places on my floor under the bed. Housekeeping will probably label me a slob. I managed to ingest maybe sixty of the mushy little brutes, and two unsalted soda crackers for lunch. Brushing my hair was such a chore this morning, and the act of simply retying the hospital gown at the back was a Herculean effort.
I'm going back to my room now. Hopefully they'll let me out of here tomorrow and I can get something decent to eat, and lie on the couch with Oscar and recover in peace. Hopefully i'll still have a job to go to when this passes. If not, there are fully a dozen places on my street alone looking for work- there's a toy store and a plus size consignment shop very close that i'd probably enjoy- i won't starve. I'm just very unhappy about the whole thing.
I feel a little brighter now, it's good to let it out. Email me at vegoREMOVETHIS@sympatico.ca if you want to cheer me up- i'll probably be able to check mail in the morning. They're looking for me to take vital signs now, and i'm hungry and hope to get something off the nurse.